Guarding the Gateway: Avoiding Harmful Speech
Guarding Against Unwholesome Talk
Imagine for a moment that your mouth is a gateway. On one side is your heart, with all its thoughts, emotions, and intentions. On the other side is the world – your family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. What kind of gatekeeper are you? What are you allowing to pass through?
Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, gives us a clear standard for what should and shouldn't pass through this gateway. He writes, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).
Now, let's pause here for a moment. Unwholesome talk. It's more than just avoiding curse words or crude jokes. It's about recognizing that our words have the power to either nourish or poison, to build up or to tear down.
Think about it. Have you ever been on the receiving end of gossip? It's like a wrecking ball to the soul, isn't it? Or maybe you've experienced the sting of constant criticism or the weight of someone's angry outbursts. These are all forms of unwholesome talk, and they do more than just hurt feelings – they can damage relationships, destroy trust, and even fracture communities.
But here's the beautiful thing about Paul's instruction. He doesn't just tell us what to avoid; he gives us a positive alternative. Our words should be helpful, building others up according to their needs. It's like we're all walking around with invisible "under construction" signs, and our words can be the tools that help in that building process.
So how do we do this practically? It starts with being intentional about our speech. Before those words pass through the gateway of our mouths, we need to ask ourselves: Is this helpful? Will it build up or tear down? Does it meet a need, or is it just satisfying my own desire to speak?
But let's be honest – this isn't always easy, is it? Sometimes those unwholesome words are right there on the tip of our tongues, especially when we're hurt, angry, or frustrated. That's why Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, gives us this advice: "But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips" (Colossians 3:8).
Notice how Paul links our speech with our emotions and attitudes. It's a reminder that guarding our speech isn't just about watching our words – it's about watching our hearts. It's about allowing God's Spirit to work in us, transforming not just what we say, but who we are.
Avoiding Coarse Jokes and Obscenity
Now, let's talk about something that might make some of us a bit uncomfortable – coarse joking and obscenity. In our culture, it's easy to dismiss these as harmless fun or just "locker room talk." But Paul, once again, sets a higher standard for us. He writes, "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving" (Ephesians 5:4).
Why is Paul so concerned about this? Well, think about it this way. Our words are like windows into our hearts. When we engage in coarse joking or obscenity, what are we revealing about what's inside us? What are we saying about our values, our respect for others, our view of God's creation?
Moreover, this kind of talk often comes at someone's expense. It might get a laugh in the moment, but at what cost? A crude joke about gender might reinforce harmful stereotypes. An obscene comment about someone's appearance might feed into their insecurities. Is that momentary chuckle worth the potential damage we're doing?
But once again, Paul doesn't just leave us with a list of don'ts. He gives us a beautiful alternative – thanksgiving. Imagine if, instead of looking for opportunities to make a crude joke, we were constantly on the lookout for reasons to give thanks. How might that change the atmosphere around us? How might it change us?
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. "But doesn't this mean Christians can't have a sense of humor? Are we supposed to be serious all the time?" Not at all! God is the creator of laughter, after all. Jesus himself used humor in his teaching. The key is to use humor in a way that builds up rather than tears down, that brings joy rather than shame.
So how do we navigate this, especially in a culture where crude humor is often the norm? Here are a few practical steps:
Be counter-cultural. Yes, it might feel awkward at first to not laugh at an inappropriate joke or to change the subject when conversation turns crude. But remember, we're called to be set apart, to be light in the darkness.
Fill your mind with good things. As Jesus said, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" (Luke 6:45). The more we fill our hearts and minds with things that are noble, pure, and praiseworthy, the more our speech will reflect that.
Practice gratitude. Remember Paul's alternative to coarse joking? Thanksgiving. Make it a habit to express gratitude regularly. Not only will it leave less room for harmful speech, but it will also cultivate joy in your own heart.
Seek accountability. If this is an area you struggle with, don't be afraid to ask a trusted friend or family member to gently call you out when your speech crosses the line.
Extend grace – to others and to yourself. Remember, we're all on a journey of growth. When others slip up, respond with grace. And when you mess up (because we all do), don't beat yourself up. Apologize if necessary, learn from it, and keep moving forward.
Friends, our words matter. They have the power to heal or to harm, to build up or to tear down. In a world that often uses words carelessly, let's be people who use them intentionally – to encourage, to uplift, to spread joy, and to point others to the love of Christ.
After all, isn't that what it means to be salt and light in this world? To use our words in a way that makes others thirsty for the living water that only Jesus can provide? Let's commit together to be that kind of influence, one word at a time.